Saturday, November 25, 2006
I have been busy
Hmm.. it has been 2 weeks since my last post..no more of those daily blogging that I used to do. What happen to me? Am I just too busy to do so or what? Well.. for a start I was on call for 2 days this week.. tiring thought.. even more tiring to carry them out. I also have this annoying headache that I kept on getting these past few months. I have expressive dysphasia too.. at times and I confabulate a lot. What happen there?
My life has not changed that much.. this year. It's all about work.. and work.. and I dont have anything else besides work. I dont even find any pleasure in watching movies, singing, listening to music, shopping, going for a walk-those activities that I used to enjoy doing. Am I going into depression mode? But about what? Only God knows what's going on.
It has been a busy week for Mr Regan's team this week. We have so many admissions overnight and elective admission with huge surgery e.g. Whipple's Procedure, Partial gastrectomy and we are going to have sigmoid colectomy on a 81 lady and right hemicolectomy on a 75 yo lady with significant cardiac history. Wow.. more patients in HDU-maybe that would be good for me-less patient to look after on the ward but we are on take this weekend and we still have 25 patients on the list. My fav co intern and reg will be away this week and I am left with Mr S and the boss with no locum SHO either. It will be a mess, I can sense it. I am just so worried but why? Am I doubting my own capability? Is it because of all those fear that I never have the guts to face.. I dont know to be honest.
I also dont know what I want to do next after this internship year. I just have too many options and I dont know which pathway to choose from. Should I stay on? or should I go home? Should I learn again and do attachment at home or start straight as an intern? Again, why am I doubting my capability of handling these sick people? Sometimes I do wonder if I am cut out to be a doctor. Am I a danger to my patient? I hate making decisions but a doctor needs to make the best decision for his or her patients. I often have these Qs on my head. Maybe.. just maybe I should stop questioning myself and live life as it is.
My hati tak tenteram. I need that confession. I am dying for it. I need it. I must go tomorrow!
posted by Mel at 6:10 PM, | 
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