Saturday, November 11, 2006
What's next in line?
I have been thinking... what am I going to do next? I know I would not have that much difficulties in looking for a job in the near future, but what do I really want out of this job. I dont even know what I want to become in the future.. Gastroenterologist? Cardiologist? Emergency Medicine physician? I have these on my mind but I dont know how to go about getting there? I dont know to whom I should discuss this with. I just cant seem to find an appropriate mentor to help me think and figure things out. I am worried about this. Am I just going to go with the flow or actually halt things and do something about it? Or just take a year out and do what I want to do.. (and I dont even know that)
Maybe this is just a phase in my life whereby I should worry more than I have ever had, Or Maybe I am just so sick of doing clerical work to the point that I just dont know how to become a doctor and actually help and get involved in my patient's management. I do help them in a way but I dont get to decide much.. I just follow orders.. am I supposed to learn Medicine that way? I often wonder. I dont need 6 years training to do the things I am doing right now.
Going to Schoners to listen to Mr Rogers talk was a good move.. although I was quite disappointed with the Reg(s) who would not sit with their Interns. We were ditched to the side.. and had to sit with Moya (not that I mind sitting with her because she is nice) and also Dr O Loughlin-one of the VIPs that night. Dr Cassidy, state pathologist were there too. I was thinking.. is the Christmas party going to be like that?
I often wonder, am I being too nice? Why am I nice? Is it because I want to get acknowledged by being nice? Or is it because that I need the reassurance that I am likable. Am I being taken for granted by people around me? Or am I just looking into this too deeply and unnecessarily. I dont know. Maybe I shouldnt ask too many questions about all these. I should live life as it is but I find it difficult not to ask these questions.
posted by Mel at 1:20 AM, | 
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