Tuesday, April 18, 2006
I NeeD A BreaK
A day left before finals.. sCaRy!!! but I am not showing signs and symptoms of anxiety yet - dry mouth, diarrhoea, insomnia.. hmm what else? But then I do spend more time in my own room.. in bed reading... although it feels as if the information is just floating in the air.. the facts are leaking everywhere.. and I feel very frustrated because of that.. to the point that I refuse to leave my room to mingle with others.. fearing that I might just blurted something nasty to them which I usually regret later.. or show them THE FAMOUS FACE-Imelda's MooDy cum sCaRy cum StaY AwAy FroM Me FaCe... But little did I know.. I was capable of doing that even in my own room.. I just told one of my housemates to leave the room.. when all he wanted to do was to tell me that he bought THE Drink that keeps me going..GinGer aLe (not alcohol guys!!) and to ask me how things are with my revision.. SiGh..
Here I am.. surrounded by people who cares about me.. and I never really appreciate them.. Why? I mean since when I have stopped showing some sort of appreciation.. but then again.. maybe..just maybe that this is just one of those very few occasions that I dont.. or rather too moody and emotionally unstable to do so.. Otherwise I am ok and normal..
I confided in this friend..of mine.. about me showing favouritism.. and he said to me.. I dont think you are.. its just that you have a different kind of relationship with different people around you.. and that make sense.. I just want to love those around me unconditionally.. without having them to like me first.. or treating me the same way.. or loving those who hates me... and I still fail.. I just find this task almost impossible..
Anyway.. thats that.. and I better cont reading.. Sarcoidosis and TB.. woo hoo!
Here I am.. surrounded by people who cares about me.. and I never really appreciate them.. Why? I mean since when I have stopped showing some sort of appreciation.. but then again.. maybe..just maybe that this is just one of those very few occasions that I dont.. or rather too moody and emotionally unstable to do so.. Otherwise I am ok and normal..
I confided in this friend..of mine.. about me showing favouritism.. and he said to me.. I dont think you are.. its just that you have a different kind of relationship with different people around you.. and that make sense.. I just want to love those around me unconditionally.. without having them to like me first.. or treating me the same way.. or loving those who hates me... and I still fail.. I just find this task almost impossible..
Anyway.. thats that.. and I better cont reading.. Sarcoidosis and TB.. woo hoo!
posted by Mel at 11:44 AM, | 
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